1.金鱼
Goldfish
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold them!
斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。
弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？
斯丹：浴室。
弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？
斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！
2.Whose Father Was the Stronger
Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said, “Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.”
Bill wasn't impressed, “Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!”
威尔和比尔在为谁的父亲更强壮而争吵。威尔说： “ 喏，你知道太平洋吗？就是我爸爸为它挖的洞。 ”
比尔不屑一顾： “ 噢，那没什么。你知道死海吗？那是我爸爸杀死的。 ”
3.I Need Your Football
George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, “can Albert come out to play? ”
“ No,” said the mother, “it's too cold. ”
“ Well, then, ” said George, “ can his football come out to play ? ”
乔冶敲着他朋友家的门。当朋友的妈妈来应门时，他问：“阿尔伯特可以出来玩吗？ ”
“ 不行， ” 那位妈妈说， “ 天气太冷了。 ”
“ 噢，那么， ” 乔冶， “ 他的足球可以出来玩吗？ ”
4.Send the Bill to My Father
Doctor： 〃I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.〃
Patient： 〃then send the bill to my father，please.〃
医生：“对你的抱怨我无能为力。那是遗传病。”
病人：“那请你把账单给我父亲吧。”
5.我在谈一笔很大的生意
A young business man had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
一个年轻人刚开始做生意，租了一间漂亮的办公室。坐在办公室，他看见一个人从外面走进办公室。装着很忙的样子，他拿起话筒，假装正在跟人谈一笔很大的生意。他从嘴里说出的，都是数目很大的数字，还有口气很大的许诺。
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."
最后，他挂上电话，问来访者:“您有什么事吗？”来访者说:“哦，我是来装电话的。”
6. whats puberty(青春期) One evening, in the midst of dinner preparation, our 10-year-old daughter asked, "Mommy, what's puberty?" My wife was rushed at the moment, so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary, after which they could talk about it.
A few minutes later, Peggy returned. Her mother asked what the dictionary had said. "Puberty means," announced Peggy, "the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear children."
"What do you think of that?" my wife asked.
"I'm not sure," Peggy relied. "I've always been able to bear children. It's adults I can't bear.".
青春期
一天晚上，在准备晚饭的时候，我们十岁的女儿问：“妈妈，什么是青春期？”我的妻子此时正忙得不亦乐乎，所以她建议佩吉到字典上查这个词，然后她们可以再讨论它。
几分钟以后，佩吉回来了。她妈妈问字典上怎么说。
“青春期的意思是，”佩吉宣布：“一个女孩能忍受孩子的最早年龄。”
“你怎么想呢？”我妻子问。
“我不知道，”佩吉回答。“我总能忍受孩子。让我忍受不了的是大人。
Note: bear children: 生孩子。bear 一词也可作“忍受”讲。
7.The Swimmer
The teacher told the class the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast.
Johnny laughed.
"Do you doubt that a good swimmer could do that?" asked the teacher.
"No, sir," answered Johnny, "but I wonder why he did not swim it four times and get back to the side where his clothes were."
游泳者
老师给同学们讲了一个小故事，说有一个人早饭前要在河里游泳，横渡三趟。
约翰尼笑了。
老师问道：“你不相信一个游泳很好的人可以做到么？”
约翰尼回答说：“不是的，先生，我是不明白他为什么不游四次，好回到他放衣服的那边。”
8.谁签署了独立宣言
A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?"
He said, "Damn if I know."
She was a little put out(激怒) by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back.
Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of the room to observe.
She started back in on her quiz and finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Who signed the Declaration of Independence?"
"Well, hell, teacher," Johnny said, "I told you I didn't know."
The father jumped up in the back, pointed a stern finger at his son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed that damn thing, hell, you damn well better admit it!"
9.Why he couldn't leave?
There was a meeting with a large number of people. At first the speaker was very interesting, but as time went on, he became very boring. Finally when he was through, there was only one man sitting in the large room.
The speaker walked up to the man and said, "Thank you for hearing me out when all the others left the room."
"Oh! Don't mention it!" replied the man, "I cannot leave because I am the next speaker."
10.Stupid Question
Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"
丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点？”
After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.
几个月后，丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。
"Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?"
“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹:“这钟准吗？”
11. 母亲节是五月的第二个星期日。今年母亲节那天，我为母亲买了一件毛衣和一束鲜花作为礼物，感谢母亲为我付出的辛苦。母亲收到礼物后，非常高兴。
Mother’s Day comes on the second Sunday in May each year. On that day this year, I bought a sweater and some flowers for my mother to thank her for her hard work for me. Receiving my gift, my mother was very happy.
Summer vacation, I and my father to Fuzhou Tourism. We August 20 to August 25 to come back. In this five days, we play the Fuzhou West Lake Park and Forest Park, which is very beautiful. We also go to watch animal shows, very exciting. I look forward to the next play again in Fuzhou.
about the year 1990,a small dark-haired boy named Charles Chaplin was often seen waiting outside the back entrances of theatres. He looked thin and hungry. He was hoping to get work in show business. He could sing and dance, and above all, he knew how to make people laugh. But he couldn’t get work and therefore wandered about the city streets. Sometimes he was sent away to a home for children who had no parents.
大约是在1990年（这个时间有问题吧。。是1890吧。。）的时候，人们常常看到一个黑头发的小男儿，名叫查尔斯.卓别林的，在剧院的后门口处徘徊。他看上去很瘦弱也很饥饿。他想要得到一份表演的工作。他能歌善舞，而且最重要的是，他懂得如何逗乐观众。但是他找不到工作，只好在街上游荡。有时候，他还会被遣送到孤儿院。
But twenty years later this same Chaplin became the greatest, best known, and best loved comedian in the world. Nearly all visitors to cinema must have seen some of Chaplin’s films. People everywhere had sat and laughed at them until the tears ran down their faces. Even people who don’t understand English can enjoy Chaplin’s films because they are almost silent. It isn’t what he says that makes people laugh. His comedy doesn’t depend on words or languages. It depends on little actions which mean the same thing to people all over the world. Acting out, without words, of common human situations plays an important part in the dances and plays of many countries. It’s a kind of world language.
但是二十年后，他成为了世界知名的，伟大的，并为人们广泛喜爱的喜剧大师。几乎所有去影院的观众都一定要看一场卓别林的**。来自各地的观众坐在影院里看卓别林的作品看到笑出泪水，甚至是不懂英文的观众都能够欣赏，因为它们绝大部分是默片。让人们发笑的并非是他的语言，他的喜剧并不依靠语言制胜，而是依靠肢体动作，使得全世界人们都能够理解。无声地表演出普通人生活的场景，占据了他作品的大部分，并且持续影响了一个多世纪。这是一种世界的语言。
Chapin lived most of his life in America and died in Switzerland on Christmas 1977, at the age of eighty-eight. There was sadness all over the world at the news of his death.
卓别林一生的大部分时光都是在美国度过的，并于1977年的圣诞节于瑞士境内逝世，享年88岁。他逝世的消息引起了全世界的一致哀悼。
A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust.
He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river."
He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them.
Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.
译文
一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。
他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。”
他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。
不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。
The City Mouse and the Country Mouse
once there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, "Do come and see me at my house in the country." So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, "This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city."
The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, " Run! Run! The cat is coming!" They ran away quickly and hid.
After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, "I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid."
译文
城里老鼠和乡下老鼠
从前，有两只老鼠，它们是好朋友。一只老鼠居住在乡村，另一只住在城里。很多年以后，乡下老鼠碰到城里老鼠，它说：“你一定要来我乡下的家看看。”于是，城里老鼠就去了。乡下老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它自己的家里。它把所有最精美食物都找出来给城里老鼠。城里老鼠说：“这东西不好吃，你的家也不好，你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢？你应该搬到城里去住，你能住上用石头造的漂亮房子，还会吃上美味佳肴，你应该到我城里的家看看。”
乡下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。房子十分漂亮，好吃的东西也为他们摆好了。可是正当他们要开始吃的时候，听见很大的一阵响声，城里的老鼠叫喊起来：“快跑！快跑！猫来了！”他们飞快地跑开躲藏起来。
过了一会儿，他们出来了。当他们出来时，乡下老鼠说：“我不喜欢住在城里，我喜欢住在田野我的洞里。因为这样虽然贫穷但是快乐自在，比起虽然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说，要好些。”
My Mother
My Mother isa kind and gentle woman. She is always very gentle. She takes good care of her children and keeps them all at school. I have one brother and two sistets. So she gets four children in all. She gives us every comfort. We all love her and she loves us also.
My mother has too much to do in bringing us up. As our family is too poor to keep a servant, my mother has always to do very much work. She gets up very early and sleeps very late every day. She works hard, yet without complaining.
She is also a thrifty, and industrious woman. She saves every cent that she can and keeps everything in order. As she has been busy eversince she was young, she looks older than she really is. Her face is wrinkled, her hair becomes silver white, but she works as hard as ever.
Often she says to us, "work while you work, play while you play. If you do not work, you will become lazy and of no use to society." What piece of good advice this is! We must worth it well and always keep it in our mind.
我的母亲
我的母亲是一位心地善良、性情温和的女性。她总是彬彬有礼。她细心地照顾孩子并使他们都上学读书。我有一个哥哥，两个妹妹，所以她总共有四个孩子。她使我们做每件事时都感到舒适。我们都爱她，她也爱我们。
为了抚养我们，母亲有太多的事要做。因为我们家很穷，雇不起佣人，母亲总是必须做很多工作。她每天起早贪黑，辛苦地工作，从无怨言。
她又是一位节俭勤勉的妇女。她尽可能地节省每一分钱，并且使每一件事情都井井有条。由于年轻时就一直忙碌，所以从外表看上去更见苍老。她的脸布满皱纹，头发也变成了灰白，但她仍像从前一样辛勤地操劳。
她常对我们说：“工作时工作，玩乐时玩乐，如果不工作，你将变得懒惰，从而无益于社会。”这是一番多么好的忠告啊!我们必须珍视它，并将它牢记心中。
Fox and cock
One morning a fox sees a cock.He
think,"This is my breakfast.''
He comes up to the cock and says,"I know
you can sing very well.Can you sing for me?''The
cock is glad.He closes his eyes and begins
to sing.The fox sees that and caches him in his mouth and carries him away.
The people in the field see the fox.They cry,"Look,look!The fox is carrying the cock away.''The cock says to the fox,"Mr Fox,do you understand?The people say you are carrying their cock away.Tell them it is yours.Not theirs.''
The fox opens his mouth ang says,"The cock is mine,not yours.''Just then the cock runs away from the fox and flies into the tree.
狐狸和公鸡
一天早上，一只狐狸看到了一只公鸡。他想：这是我的早餐。
他朝公鸡走来，对他说：“我知道，你能唱得非常好听，你能唱给我听么？”公鸡很高兴。他闭上眼睛开始唱歌。狐狸看到这些抓住它放到自己的嘴里走了。
在田地里的人们看到了狐狸。大喊大叫：“看，看！狐狸抓住公鸡逃走了。”公鸡对狐狸说：“狐狸先生，你能理解么？人们认为你叼走了公鸡。告诉他们这是你的，不是他们的。”
狐狸张开她的嘴说：“公鸡是我的，不是你们的。”就在那时，公鸡逃离了狐狸的嘴巴，跑到了树底下。
机器人很聪明，他们可以用电脑头脑帮助人们在危险的地方做一些工作或是困难的工作。一些机器人做常规工作。罗比，一个邮件运送者，把邮件送往华盛顿D。C。的一栋办公大楼里。他是美国的250个邮件运送者之一。
有200磅重6英尺高的里奇姆先生（机器人），作为一名老师有他的优势。其中一个是他不会忘了细节。他知道每个孩子的名字、父母的名字和每个孩子知道什么、需要知道什么。并且他知道每个孩子的宠物和他们的业余还好。里奇姆先生从不犯错。每个孩子去并说出他或她的名字并且拨下一个确认身份的号码。他的电脑大脑就把孩子们的声音和号码一起记下。他能准确无误地辨认孩子们。然后他开始上课。
里奇姆先生（机器人）的另一个好处是可以变通的。如果孩子们需要更多的时间完成他们的功课，他们可以转动开关。他们可以用这种方法一遍一遍地重复里奇姆先生的课程。他给孩子们讲一些关于他们业余爱好的有趣的事，当他们表现好的时候。课堂结束后，孩子们关掉了里奇姆先生。
